Roz’s “freebirth” on the MLU

Marlow’s Birth Story

After a very medicated pregnancy, having a free birth on the MLU has been very healing. 

My pregnancy journey was quite bumpy from the start. Going back a few (many) years, when I was about 18/19 years old I was diagnosed with uterus didelphys with double cervix and vagina, as well as PCOS a few years later. I basically had two vaginas with a cervix each, a uterus that looked like bunny ears and too many eggs growing at the same time but rarely dropping when needed. I was always told by the various gynaecologists, OBs and specialists I saw that pregnancy was possible and might just take a little longer to happen. 

We had a few years of trying naturally before I eventually had to get started with IVF as nothing else was working. Following a lengthy process of tests and appointments through the NHS in London during the pandemic, Simon and I decided to bite the bullet and go private to start the even lengthier process of hormone injections and blood tests. After collecting over 20 eggs in each ovary and fertilising them, we managed to get 4 fertilised blastocysts, which, due to various circumstances, ended up in 2 negative tests and 2 miscarriages throughout 2021. 

We moved away from the stress of our busy lives in London to Folkestone at the end of 2022 after a lot of healing and resting, and discovered the Kind IVF clinic in Canterbury a few months later to start a new full round. This time we ended up with 12 fertilised blastocysts and after doing the whole process again, finally saw a strong little heartbeat for the first time at the 6 weeks scan of the first egg we transferred.

After this rather long journey, both Simon and I had a lot of fears during this pregnancy and we were lucky enough to have a great midwife and doctor at the IVF clinic who did every test possible to make sure the embryo was perfect. Once released to the NHS, I was offered cervix scans every two weeks from week 16 which I accepted as they meant we could see our baby with that strong little heartbeat, as well as making sure my cervix was doing exactly what it was meant to, staying long and shut, as one of the risks of having a uterus didelphys is to have a weak cervix. 

As the weeks went by I started researching more and more about birth for my type of uterus and more specifically a natural birth and I was really struggling to find anything at all. Only 3% of women have a uterus didelphys and most of the birth stories and medical papers I found mentioned caesarean birth or early labour (very early when it was spontaneous and around 37/38 weeks when induced with most ending in a caesarean birth) so it wasn’t looking very promising. That made us extra grateful for these scans and the lovely doctor we saw every couple of weeks as she was always so reassuring and encouraging. She was also the first one to tell me she didn’t see why I couldn’t have a natural birth. 

From that moment I made it my goal to have a successful natural birth. I knew I could do it. And thankfully I did eventually manage to hear about a couple women who had natural births with a uterus didelphys so that convinced me it was possible.

That’s when I started to work against the NHS. I was appointed an OB and disliked him immediately. The conversation we had was full of ‘trying’ and cutting things all over the place. Never saw him again. It’s around that time that I contacted Betty and Lucy through instagram as I had a good feeling about the type of content they were sharing. We chatted a bit before meeting and we all had an instant connection. We absolutely loved them both as if we had known each other for years so asked them if they could be my doulas as I clearly needed extra help to get the birth I wanted. 

Thankfully they accepted and we’re all SO grateful for it as it could all have gone sideways very quickly. I (stupidly) accepted the glucose test and it resulted in being diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes (0.3 above their arbitrary limit…). I was now “High risk” and suddenly according to my midwife wasn’t allowed in the MLU anymore, had to give birth on the labour ward and will be induced at 39 weeks - knowing that the entire pregnancy so far everyone was worried I would go into labour before 35 weeks. I decided to self monitor knowing that I did not have GD so I could use the results to push for the MLU. And doing daily finger pricks for a month showed me always under the limit as expected. I still followed their diet and a few weeks after a blood test showed I had low iron levels. 

I’ve always been anaemic so nothing surprising or worrying there but the diet I was following for the GD made the iron levels go down really fast. So of course I was given iron tablets which again I took to secure my spot in the MLU. With hindsight and thanks to all the extra info Betty and Lucy sent, I know I should have just stopped the GD testing as I already had a few weeks of results as well as the diet and my levels were fine before. During that time both Simon and I started to feel like we’d suddenly entered a spiral of chaos and were so grateful to have our super doulas on hand to support, reassure and comfort us in our decisions. It was as if the NHS was looking for a reason to make us fail as we kept getting ‘bad’ test results, horrible conversations on the phone with midwives and a series of emails from our new (and chosen) OB pushing strongly for a caesarean birth and questioning my entire birth plan.

The OB even went on booking a C section for me on the 17th May (a few days post due date) after a long email chain of me saying ‘no thank you’ and her replying with ‘yeah but’. I think by then we were all laughing at how insane it sounded so it didn’t affect me much.

Thankfully I didn’t have to bother more with this as my daughter is clearly as proud and stubborn as I am, and she decided to arrive 2 weeks before the due date, on the 2nd of May.

The day before the 2nd, on Wednesday it was very sunny and Simon went into town to work so I had time for myself. I wrote in my journal, had tea outside and started to crochet a warthog for Marlow. Simon came back in the afternoon so we could go for a walk. We talked about Marlow as always and I was feeling very happy. We then went to Sainsbury’s to get a few supplies I needed to make the date bark and crumble for the pregnancy nourishment circle on that Friday. I started to feel very different, weird. I thought everyone around was behaving like idiots and I was getting angry very quickly. Which made Simon wonder as he had asked Lucy how we will know when we’re getting close to birth and she replied ‘when Roz goes crazy you’ll know’.

Half way through the shopping I started feeling heavy sensations in the pelvis and movements on both the right and left side of my stomach at the same time. It was quite unusual as Marlow had been head down the entire pregnancy but she felt more sideways somehow. I told Simon ‘not saying she’s gonna arrive tonight but she might!’

We finished the shopping quickly and when we got home Simon started to blow up the pool as we hadn't done that yet. We had an argument about something and I went to bed angry so thought yeah there’s no way she’s arriving now my oxytocin is gone! I then woke up at 1:30 cause I needed to pee after only 3 hours sleep and as I stood up I heard a ‘pop’ and all the waters gushed out! I rushed to the toilets and more came out. It’s actually insane the amount there is in there I thought it was never gonna stop.

As it was all transparent the plan was to find new pyjamas and go back to sleep. I got back to the room after a quick clean and woke up Simon quite excited to tell him. I also decided to message Lucy and Betty as FYI to let them know waters were out and I was getting ready to sleep but might need them later. About 20/30 min after I sent the text as soon as I lay down in bed the surges came rushing quite intensely and less than 10 min apart. They started like period pain at the lower front then about 30 min later moved to the back and stayed there the whole labour.

I put on my playlist and started to dance in the bedroom in my underwear and jumping on the birth ball and stopped being able to focus around 3 am. It’s about that time that we asked Lucy and Betty to come around as I needed help figuring it all out and knowing when to head to the MLU. Simon was doing all the texting back and forth while taking care of giving me snacks and water too. I spent most of the time after that on the birthing ball as the movements really helped. Even with my hypnobirthing lessons I had a hard time going through some of the surges as they were really intense and always in the back on top of being 5 min apart for a long time so no real time to rest. At some point I asked Simon to push on my lower back with all his strength and it did help a tiny bit. He thought he was gonna break my bones while I thought he wasn’t pushing at all.

Betty and Lucy came in the middle of all that asking how I was feeling and getting a feel of how long it would all take before going downstairs to have a sleep on the couch. Eventually I had a few rounds of feeling sick and vomiting some of it in a giant mixing bowl some I managed to walk to the bathroom for. I ended up staying in the bathroom and sat on the toilet facing the wall and that really helped cause the angle was just right plus it was easier to pee… I even managed to fall asleep briefly a few times after I got propped up with a nice pillow while Simon, Betty and Lucy came to check on me from time to time.

I think I heard someone mention things would surely slow down as it was now 7am and dawn. I saw the light coming through the windows and thought ‘finally now I should be able to rest a bit and sleep’ as I really couldn’t at all between the surges that were now 3 min apart. But me being me the opposite happened and the surges got stronger so Simon suggested I jump in the shower to see if the water would help at all before we bothered with the pool. It did feel good but was too small so I couldn’t get comfy. I got out to sit back on the toilets and felt a surge move at the front instead of being at the back like all the ones before. That’s when I realised things were indeed moving much quicker and as all I wanted was to be in the water I thought it was useless to try to use the one we had at home and it was time to go to MLU. I knew that if I went in the pool downstairs I would give birth at home and stubborn as I am, I wanted to give birth naturally in the MLU to show the hospital it was possible and also thinking maybe someone will write about it in a medical journal and it will help more women after me.

We all got the bags, I put clothes on quickly, we grabbed things as we could and left with Simon, Lucy and I in our car and Betty in hers. I sat at the back facing backwards on the way and Simon put a meditation tape on. It helped keep my mind off how long we were driving for and where we were. I had planned to use headphones and an eye patch to stay in my bubble but by then I completely forgot so just put my head down and focused that way. About halfway on the highway the surges changed once more to move to the front and suddenly made my whole lower body push! It just came naturally without a warning and I thought ‘I can’t be pushing right now we’re not there yet!’. Really was an amazing feeling though as it clearly was my body doing it and I had zero control over it. As soon as we arrived at the hospital I rushed out of the car and started hurrying towards the entrance with Lucy while Betty and Simon got the bags. At that point I was really in my bubble and just wanted to get there. I had to stop and crouch after a few metres to go through the next surge, then made it out of the car park, through the entrance and about a few steps inside the first corridor before I had to hold on to the wall and crouch again. I felt very calm the whole way and it felt like the world around me didn’t exist except Simon, Lucy and Betty. As if they were in my bubble with me. I did hear someone asking me to make way though as well as Lucy telling him we’ll move in a minute! (Turned out to be the vending machine delivery guy who then felt super bad when he had a second look and saw what was happening) I then got back up and kept breathing and rushing through the corridors (which are SO long by the way! You would think they would get the maternity ward and MLU much easier and quicker to access…) We passed the ward towards the stairs to go down the MLU, realised we went too far so had to turn around. We must have looked right out of a Benny Hill episode. For the next surge I kept walking through it this time as I was getting impatient to get to the pool. Now realise I probably should have started walking or pacing from the start as walking really helped with the intensity. Again something I knew but had forgotten by the time I went into labour.

We went down the stairs, Lucy rang the bell and I was about to get one more surge so barged in past the midwives when they opened the door and straight into the pool room they showed us the week or so before and took my shoes off. Again no real thought other than ‘I must do this now’. The pool was empty even though they knew we were on the way, as if they thought they would assess me before. Luckily it didn't take long to fill (about 8 min Vs 45 min for the one on the labour ward FYI…) so I had time to get undressed and maybe through one or two more surges before I jumped in. I felt instantly better even though it was too hot for me so we had to add loads of cold water while I was in. The heat wasn’t helping with thinking or the intensity but the water definitely did. Now I managed to be where I planned to give birth, I actually managed to focus on my baby properly for the first time and see how she was feeling and encourage her to move down. (Thing that I should have done much more before but was really taken aback by the intensity of the surges and lack of rest)

By then all the surges were pushing ones. It didn’t feel like anything was specifically being pushed though and it also felt like I was pushing more with my butt than my vagina so thought I was doing something wrong. I started having thoughts that maybe she was still in the uterus and not making it through the birth canal at all. I mentioned it to Lucy and Betty and they suggested I used my fingers if I felt like it to see if I could feel anything. I could definitely feel a head through the left vagina but it was as if there was some skin between my fingers and her head which confused me. Thought for a second she might be coming from the right one or be stuck in between the two even if I knew it wasn’t possible as I definitely had 2 cervixes. Lucy mentioned it was great and that she was definitely in and the cervix was fully gone by now so put those thoughts out of my mind. That meant the plug had gone long before without me realising and I was now at the famous 10 cm dilatation and ready to go but again this didn’t really register at the time.

I was getting very tired by then and was close to wanting it all to be over. All the time I was hearing things here and there around me but nothing was sticking to my brain much. The midwives tried to come and listen to the heartbeat originally then gave up after a couple tries and left the room asking to call if I needed them so it was pretty much just Betty, Lucy and Simon taking turns fanning me and giving me water which was absolutely awesome. I kept hearing them taking turns telling me I was doing amazing and everything was ok. Couldn’t have said who was talking or where everyone was most of the time as I was truly and fully somewhere else by then. I moved position a few times to find the best one possible, also moved side to side at some point as I felt like it was needed. During every surge I was using the handles on the side of the pool to pull myself back up and use gravity as much as possible. I was getting very tired by then and kept having leg cramps with the surges which didn’t help.

I thought I had to make it work now or never.

That’s when I realised Simon wasn’t in the room. I heard Betty and Lucy talk about it and Betty going to look for him. Learned later he went to get snacks for everyone as he thought I might want chocolate after and Betty and Lucy didn’t eat. Betty went out to find him and I waited for the next surge. Weirdly things slowed a bit as if I was waiting for Si. On her way back as Betty fed me a slice of clementine the smell woke something in Marlow and I suddenly felt she wanted out. The next contraction I felt the ring of fire for the first time. Luckily Simon came back around then and I saw him and I knew I just had had enough. I needed it to end. And for that I needed her out. So for what felt like the first real time since the beginning of labour (apart from the few check in asking if she was still there and ok) I talked to her. Ok baby. Ok my bright light. Now it’s time to come out. All you have to do is get your head out then the rest will be easy. I’m exhausted and I can’t do it for much longer so please come out now. And she did. While all this was happening in my mind Simon was kissing my head gently and telling me how amazing and beautiful I was and how great I was doing. 

Next surge I felt the ring of fire more than the previous one. I decided to push past the surge and the pushes my body was doing on its own. I knew I was risking tearing doing that but didn’t care at that point. So the contraction came, my body arched and pushed, still not able to breathe fully because of the strength of what my body was doing and when I felt it relax again I took a deep breath and kept pushing. I felt the head pop out. I reached down and felt a soft ball full of hair. A very weird feeling. I told myself and my baby out loud ‘Ok. We’ve done it. Almost there.’ I knew That was the hardest now it was smooth sailing. I also said out loud ‘there’s a head dangling out of my vagina. And it’s full of hair it’s so fluffy!’ To the delight of everyone who started laughing.

I kept my hand on Marlow's head and on the next surge I felt it rotate in my hand while her legs and feet were kicking inside my uterus. Absolutely surreal. Her body came right out and as I looked down in the rapidly darkening waters I saw her face with a full head of hair and big open eyes staring at me. She was reaching her arms towards me so I grabbed her out slowly as I remembered that staying a bit in the water helps babies with the transition before putting her on my chest. At that point and since just before the head got out I was feeling like time was very slow, compared to the entire labour before where I thought it went really quick. But in reality it only took a few minutes. I kept her body in the water to keep her warm while rubbing her chest a bit as she was coughing some amniotic liquid. She was full of vernix too! She cried very soon after and what a set of lungs she has! It took the midwives 5 more minutes to come into the room and by that time I had my placenta out with the next surge within 10 min of her being born. It really went fast.

At that point I started losing a lot of blood as she hadn’t had time to feed and the pool was getting bright red. My hearing started to go slowly so I said out loud I couldn’t hear anything as it felt weird like I was under water. Lucy and Betty took over and calmly took Marlow from my arms and focused on telling me to breathe. I think Betty asked me if she could take Marlow so she took her and the placenta to help Si not to get too overwhelmed with a brand new baby and a wife passing out. After a few minutes of breathing calmly my hearing came back and I got out of the pool with the help of Simon and Lucy to get onto the bed. It was less than a metre away but just that made my hearing go again so I laid down and breathed some more. I really wanted to hold Marlow but knew I wasn’t able to at that moment and that she was safe in Betty's arms. Eventually Simon’s did some skin to skin while I recuperated enough to hold her and try a first feed without it being dangerous. In total I lost close to a litre of blood and a lot of it that was dripping from the bed. I remember hearing it make a puddle under the bed and seeing Lucy with arms full of bloody towels wiping everything away. Both Betty and Lucy kept everything so normal and chilled that at no point Simon or I got worried about it. To try and get some colours back I was kept all warmed and comfy on the bed and got given orange juice, water and a coke … which all went back out exorcist style after a few minutes. I tried to eat too with no luck. In the end drinking coke was what helped settle my stomach and I managed to get Marlow on me for skin to skin and to feed her. She took on almost straight away which made me really happy and helped with slowing down the bleeding.

After an hour or so, the midwives came back and checked her and me. I had a second degree tear I decided not to stitch at the end as it wasn’t painful and wanted to try to sleep for a bit instead of having my legs up in stirups. I think I slept for an hour while Simon was doing skin to skin with Marlow, and Lucy and Betty finally ate something and while looking after me. Because I was still weak we decided to stay in the MLU overnight to rest. It was weird to suddenly be the three of us only but we made it work by taking turns sleeping and looking after Marlow. Luckily midwives left us alone the whole night so we kind of had a normal night even if not at home.

The next day was less fun with loads and loads of visits from docs and midwives for tests which I now realise I was too tired to ask to be done on me instead of the bassinet. They all kept insisting for Marlow to be swaddled and put in it so they didn’t have to bend (it’s the same height as the bed…) and that meant spending a lot of time swaddling and unswaddling her so she could sleep skin to skin again on top of the general disruptions while trying to sleep and recover. As I was still weak and couldn’t stand up more than a few minutes without being exhausted the day after the birth, I had a blood test to check my iron levels and they were at 68 which is quite low but not dangerous still unlike what seemed to think one of the midwives (who really shouldn’t be working on the MLU being that stressed…). I decided to accept the blood transfusion even if it sounded like the worst thing as I would have to be sent up to the labour ward and spent a few hours there but at least I could go home after and finally rest and recover properly. The labour ward was just as I imagined it, very much screaming ‘hospital’, boiling hot, noisy with loads of babies crying and machines beeping, and SO bright, with people in and out of the room non stop. The nurse doing the transfusion was lovely though and did her best to get us out as fast as possible even though everyone else seemed to try to keep us in much longer. The procedure made a massive difference and I was finally feeling more alive and able to move around. Simon has been a champion through it all including kicking arses to let us out as we were left alone for a few hours in a boiling hot room and an overheating baby even after saying a few times we were going home.

We left the hospital (almost by force at this point) at 11pm with Simon driving us back to Folkestone. He had left in the morning for a few hours to get the bedroom ready which was amazing as we were all exhausted by then. Everything was so much easier from home and didn’t have any issues after that. I recovered from the blood loss fine and the transfusion actually gave me a good boost of energy so we had a wonderful couple weeks learning to be a new family and caring for a brand new baby. The tear has taken much longer to heal than I thought and still itches from time to time but it’s never been painful so it really all went well.

I think one of the biggest takeaway from this whole experience is that at times when both Simon and I had doubts, it was great to have Betty and Lucy there so we could ask them questions, and get the reassurance we needed on what we thought was the best decision at the time. Same goes for navigating the NHS as we had a few (too many) moments where we were glad to have doulas accompany us along on this journey to give us all the info missing from midwives, OB or test results. 

On top of being amazing women they really helped us not get overwhelmed by the amount of information we received, the even bigger amount of info we didn’t get when we should have and really to support us in fighting for the birth we wanted and deserved. Hearing a lot of other birth stories I know we’ve been very lucky at the end of the day but it also took a lot of preparation and building the best team I could find to support me along the way to get there. 

Thanks to Lucy, Betty and Simon (never underestimate the power of a good birth partner) I’ve started my new life as a mother feeling very nurtured, confident and safe. And that’s the best way to start.